Abandoning Your Kids and The Myth of the Picky Eater

There are two major minefields in American discourse.  Religion and Politics should come as no surprise to anybody.  These days, two more topics are creeping up as major battlefields:  Nutrition and Parenting.  With battles raging over so called gluten intolerance, the Chinese restaurant syndrome, the lipid hypothesis, organics, and sugar fueling the rise of the obesity epidemic; many of us just avoid the topic in friendly conversation.  And none of this helps parents choose the right foods for their children.  “But our kids are so picky, they only eat crap food” goes the refrain.  Except for instances of LEGITIMATE food avoidance due to allergies, the picky eater is largely a myth.  While there are some genetically hardwired reasons people taste foods differently, children should eat – and find pleasurable – a wide variety of food.  In the Psychology of Religion, Hunsberger et al. suggest the single best predictor of somebody’s religious affiliation is the affiliation of their parents.  If a kid grew up in a Catholic environment, she is more likely to identify Catholic than Muslim.  Makes total sense and seems kind of obvious right?  Similarly, if a child has a preference for Japanese food, three guesses in which culinary environment he was raised.  But a child does not have a physiological or genetic preference for certain types of food.  The cultural preference for food is established by environment, as much as a child growing up in a Hindu family will have a cultural preference towards that religion and not others.  So pickiness then, is more likely a function of exposure and not biology.  So before you label your child picky, take a look at your own pantry.  Does the child have enough exposure to different foods to even establish a favorite cuisine?  Yet even if we get all Food Network on their asses, why do we still have to tell them

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Our pediatrician gave us a schedule for food exposure.  Around age 4, eat something green every day.  After age 5, try spicy foods.  This was fun to do because Lori and I love food.  And I love to cook.  But it wasn’t without the typical struggles all parents experience.  For many, “date night” is less about romance and more about eating something NOT dinosaur chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese.  And that’s where we found one strategy that seemed to gain some traction in our household.

I often say I only travel for food, and it is not an exaggeration.  I’ve chosen conferences or scheduled business trips based solely on cuisine.  And as mentioned, our date nights were often motivated by trying out new restaurants or revisiting old favorites.  One day Logan asked, “Why do you always abandon us and go on trips?”  I answered honestly, “Because mom and dad like to eat good food and you guys don’t.”

After awhile, we noticed Logan was trying more exotic fare and became more interested in food preparation.  And because they are their mother’s sons, both started experimenting with drink concoctions.  Now – while Thomas is still slightly more finicky, Logan is up for anything.  He’ll eat spicy food, has tried uni, and knows the difference between yummy fat versus gristle on a piece of meat.  There are downsides to food-aware children.  Date nights are now family dinner nights and deciding where to go has led to some heated discussion.  (Logan is predictable, he will always choose Taverna Bistro.  Thomas will often vacillate between Fu Lam Mum or Seto Tempura House.)  And good food for a party of four is more expensive than a party of two. But there are upsides as well.

While having food conscious children is itself a healthy reward, it has provided opportunities to talk about the cultural and social aspects of food.  While in New Orleans in 2012,  we made a pilgrimage to the iconic Dooky Chase’s Restaurant.  Most patrons know the rich history of the restaurant and often request an audience with the Queen of Creole Cooking, Leah Chase, the inspiration behind Tiana in Disney’s Princess and the Frog. We watched as requests from a few other tables were turned down.  The waiter noticed our boys trying all the food and especially enjoying the gumbo.  Moments later he came over to the table and whispered to the boys, “Do you want to meet the Princess?”  Our eyes lit up and soon we were led to the kitchen where 90 year old Mrs. Chase was preparing another batch of her famous gumbo.  She stopped what she was doing, sat down, and chatted with the boys for awhile.  It is something we’ll always remember as a family.

By no means am I suggesting a culinary Shangri-La at our house.  The boys still fuss an awful lot about foods that don’t suit their palettes.  But because they know a little bit about food culture and what it takes to prepare a meal, they are starting to realize that eating isn’t just about taste.  It’s also about sharing time with friends and family, and appreciating what a significant portion of the planet doesn’t have:  a choice.  They are slowly becoming aware that just because something doesn’t taste just the way they like it, they should be appreciative of the effort, time, and resources that were put into the preparation.  And nothing shows that better than being a little gracious, if a bit less ravenous and enthusiastic.  Poor Tommy is still learning how to do this, making good use of his new ability to faux-gag.  But he’ll get there, we hope.

What kind of food adventures has your family had?  Do you have any fun food stories?  Or more importantly, do you have food strategies for your children that you’d like to share with other parents?